DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE a wonderful fiancée but am having sex with two other amazing women. I can’t decide who I want most.
We got engaged three months ago after a year and a half together. My fiancée is 24, loving and caring. My family love her to bits and think, at 30, I should settle down.
When we met I’d just got back in touch with an ex on Facebook. She had changed a lot from when we went out. She’s 31.
She was working abroad so we chatted online and had lunch when she returned to the UK. I didn’t tell my fiancée about it.
The old spark was still there. We checked into a hotel and had the most amazing night of sex. We meet up any time we can.
My fiancée doesn’t deserve this. I promise myself I’ll give up my ex but then we meet and all thoughts go out of the window.
I have been straying from my fiancee… and I don’t know what to do next
A few weeks ago I went to my mate’s new house. He’s recently got married but I couldn’t go to his wedding.
It turns out his wife is friends with another of my exes. She was there and we got chatting. I offered to take her home and we started flirting.
She’s 27. When I dropped her off, she asked me in for a coffee. I should have said no but of course I went in.
Coffee was quickly replaced with wine and a great evening of reminiscing led to us kissing and ending up in bed.
We have met up twice since and just thinking about her gets me excited.
She seems so much surer of herself than when we were dating. I remember a shy, timid girl but she’s full of beans now and knows what she wants in and out of bed.
I should sort myself out because I am getting into deep water. But I am finding that extremely difficult.
I enjoy the thrill of splitting my time between the three of them.
DEIDRE SAYS: Playing the field is giving you a buzz but you are not single and fancy-free. You have made a commitment to your fiancée.
No woman likes to think she is just another notch on a guy’s bedpost and you risk one or all these women rumbling you. Then you would not be the one making the choice.
You are making a habit of running into your past loves – and of course they have changed and grown into mature women.
What is it about the past that is such a lure for you? Unresolved hurt, maybe?
Or has all this got more to do with fears about making a serious commitment to the future? Your family think it’s high time you settled down but is marriage a scary prospect for you?
Stop seeing the other women, then have some honest conversations with your fiancée.
Be certain that you are ready to walk into a future together, not simply drifting into it to please anyone else. My e-leaflet Can’t Be Faithful? will help you better understand what is really going on for you.